Vetting

Vetting is the process of checking whether a potential play partner, venue, or organization is safe, trustworthy, experienced, and compatible before engaging in BDSM play or forming a dynamic. It’s essentially BDSM’s version of a background check, reference check, or first-date safety screening. Vetting is mutual—you evaluate them, and they should be evaluating you too. This typically involves a person asking about the experiences people had with a potential partner. They might ask previous partners, community leaders, or any other people in the community who have engaged with this person before. Vetting isn’t about judging people. It’s about determining whether someone is safe, ethical, and compatible for you. Different people have different risk profiles, but more information is always better than less. The practice does not guarantee a good connection with a person, but it can give some insight into things to look out for or to consider. While vetting isn't perfect, it can be a way to reduce risks and catch red flags early. It can also contribute to community health by encouraging accountability and safer spaces. Vetting may involve: - Research: Reviewing someone’s FetLife or other online presence, groups, posts, comments, and who vouches for them. - Observation: Watching how they negotiate, communicate, check in, and play with others. - Conversation: Meeting in a public or community space to discuss experience, mistakes, boundaries, and motivations. - References: Asking community leaders, past partners, or mutual contacts for honest impressions. - Reputation checks: Looking into bans, allegations, conflicts, or patterns of behavior. Common "green flags" include consistent and good communication, and solid negotiation and aftercare habits. Common "red flags" can be lack of consistent partners or community ties, hiding or omitting history, or pressuring partners to go faster or do more than was negotiated. ### Types of Vetting There are a few different types of vetting that tend to happen in the BDSM community. These are: - Personal vetting: Assessing an individual before play or a relationship. - New member vetting: How organizations check newcomers. - Audit/continual vetting: Ongoing updates to reputation and conduct. - Cross-vetting: One organization honoring another’s vetting. - Vouch vetting: When someone personally vouches for an individual or organization. - Venue vetting: Checking a play space for safety, cleanliness, accessibility, and culture. - Organization vetting: Researching a group’s leadership, reputation, and values. If someone can't be vetted, it can be a good idea to play in a public setting, start slow, and keep negotiations in writing. ### Under Consideration In some dynamics, vetting is also used for a period of time when a D-type person is considering an s-type for a particular role or dynamic. This consideration period is used to test the connection and to see if the dynamic performs as desired.