Shame

Within kink, shame is a form of play where a person consensually is exposed to feeling shame and getting gratification from that. As a form of play it has a wide application with different ways of achieving the same thing. Shame differs from humiliation and degradation as it is an internal process for the recipient of shame that causes the shame. Where as both humiliation and degradation are about explicit judgement by other people, shame focuses on internal judgement and playing into that factor. It is therefore a very psychological form of play and more subtle. In application it could be achieved by eye contact, exposure, simple observation verbalization and even simple suggestion without judgement. ### Why Are People Into It? Generally, shame play works well as a recipient when there is underlying shame that is not overtly out there for others to see. Them being "forced" to face their own judgements can create the feeling of shame about their own behavior, or even their own thoughts. What works well with one person, may not work with another and the subject may be good to negotiate as it can also touch trigger points in trauma. As a recipient, the power given to the other person to play with that psychological part of your being can be akin to a Dominant vs submissive kind of mindset. Also in many forms of play sexuality can be brought into the psychological parts. As a person giving shame it is very much a psychological challenge to "break" a person and find their weak points, and the triumph can be rewarding. Sexually it can also be rewarding to get to see things from your partner, as well as suggest them to do things through exploring their shame. For some people it can also be a way to re-live or re-visit a trauma in a safe(r) environment together with a partner. Exploring past shame, history of judgement or anything else in a way that allows them reclaim their shame as something positive. Due to the internalized nature of shame, it is part "self-inflicted" and therefore can work as a release for past self judgement as well. ### Differentiation from Humiliation and Degradation Some examples to clarify the subtle differences between shame, humiliation and degradation. Shame: internalized judgement Humiliation: externalized judgement by others Degradation: externalized judgement and devaluation by others There are of course more differences and more subtle ways to make a difference, but generally these reflect the different approaches. ### Safety & Consent As shame is a psychological play it is very important to deal with proper negotiation when going deeper into shame play. Touching people's traumas can be part of your goal, but only when both parties are aware and intend to do so. Although shame can also be done on more casual subjects that are less likely to trigger traumas. It is good to consider; - Traumas: Freely and openly discuss traumas and if they should be avoided, or may be part of the things to discover. - Awareness: Share awareness of potential risks of this kind of psychological play and things that may result out of it. - Safeword: Find a safeword or other escape mechanism that works for in these kinds of headspaces. - Aftercare: Discuss what a person needs to get back from such a psychological kind of play. Sometimes they need more words of affirmation to come back to a space where they do not feel shame from the person shaming them before.